There seems to be a common misconception that pregnancy and labour are the most difficult parts of becoming a parent. What I found people don’t tell you is that the most challenging part of parenthood is actually once the baby arrives aka the fourth trimester.

Before having Bub, I couldn’t grasp how this could be the case: you’re no longer carrying around a baby and you’ve gone through the agony of labour so surely postpartum is a ‘breeze’?

Nah uh. Why you may ask? Because pregnancy and labour have a defined ‘end’ whereas once Bub arrives, it’s forever 😜 It’s not all doom and gloom and it’s all worth it in the end. But here are my tips for surviving the fourth trimester:

1. Sleep: I miss sleep. Regardless of what people say, I don’t believe it’s ‘normal’ that babies should sleep through the night by a certain age. I think each one is unique and will eventually learn. So it’s up to us to manage and do what we can to survive in the meantime.

Initially how I survived sleep deprivation is to nap or at least just lie down and rest whenever Bub napped. Also handing Bub to parents or in laws in the morning helped me squeeze in an extra few hours of precious Zzzs (every minute counts!). The ‘development leap’ or ‘regression’ periods were the worst. For example, my Bub’s 4 month leap seemed to last until 6 months which was then replaced by the 6 month leap!

I’d like to say there is light at the end of the tunnel (maybe once Bub becomes a teenager?!), but for me, even though Bub is 18 months old now, I still haven’t had one night of uninterrupted blissful sleep. However thats because I still boob Bub to sleep and use the power of the boobie to settle him. So for you, you may be one of the lucky ones who’s been able to help your Bub settle or your Bub was able to sleep through the night at an early age. I’m so used to it now though I can’t even imagine what sleeping through the night would feel like haha

2. Me time: Gone are the days where you could just go do whatever whenever. Too often I’ve been guilty of overlooking myself and will focus on being a parent. At a minimum, I make time to exercise and meditate and not feel guilty. Do the things that will help keep you sane – the better you are, the better a parent you’ll be

3. Keeping the romance alive: your love life tends to take a backseat once Bub arrives. I mean who has energy to cuddle/make love/be romantic when you’ve already spent all of your emotional and physical energy by the end of the day? I’ve tried to schedule in dates and time to be intimate, but it’s really hard to follow through! So I think the resolution for this is to find what works for you and your partner, but keeping in mind that this is a natural consequence of having a baby and that it’s ok to not have every aspect of your life ‘ideal’.

4. Body shape: this is one for the ladies and something I’ve posted about before, but it can be difficult to deal with and accept your postpartum body. As hard as it is, you really need to give yourself a break and learn to love yourself because think about it: your body grew a human being. How amazing is that. It needs some time to chill the F out right? So take it easy and you can slowly and surely get back to feeling ‘fitter’ and ‘slimmer’ if that’s what you want. Plenty of time to get there 👍🏻

5. Lifestyle: after having Bub, I had to organise and plan ahead to be able to do things I could’ve just gone out and done in the past. No more last minute dates or shopping trips. It was really hard initially and I missed my previous ‘carefree’ life. But hey you can’t have your cake and eat it too-now I’m responsible for raising a person so you’ve got to take the good with the ‘bad’. How to make this easier: think about and appreciate the things you now have or get to do with Bub in your life. For example, I had a colleague who tried IVF over many years, but were unsuccessful in getting pregnant. I can’t imagine how difficult it can be for some to even get pregnant in the first place.

Some overall lessons learned:

-Having a baby is a life changer – you’ve got a choice: adapt and grow or stay still and suffer. It’s your choice

-Do parenthood your way

-Use this time as a way to positively develop: self love, unconditional love, patience, communication and self awareness

-And finally, you’re not alone. This too shall pass and one day you will look back and think gosh I miss those days when Bub was small or Bub did this. Good luck! 🤗