Confinement – yay or nay?

Confinement – yay or nay?

by DIY: Babies & Parenting ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

There’s an Asian tradition of a 30 day confinement period for the mother postpartum. The thinking behind it is to allow the mother to rest and heal following the strenuous labour process as your body ‘opens up’ during labour which leaves you quite vulnerable. Typically, it involves you staying indoors for a full month to rest. You’re meant to eat certain foods to help boost breastmilk production and help you heal. Traditionally, you’re not meant to shower and instead, to bathe in ginger water. In China, there are places you can go to practice confinement or you can hire people to come to your house and cook for you during this time.

For me, I was quite blasé about doing confinement. Given our situation at the time, we would be living with my family after Bub was born so my parents and I discussed it and the agreement was that I would try confinement, but not follow it too strictly.

Rather than go into too much detail, I’ll break down my confinement experience into the ‘Positives’, ‘Not so great’ and as per usual ‘Lessons learned’.

Positives

  • I found that I was exhausted for the first month after giving birth so staying indoors was exactly what I needed to rest and recover
  • A lot of wholesome food was prepared – my favourites was fish soup and pork trotters cooked with black sweet vinegar. Felt so nice to eat well and know that I was nourishing my body
  • Breast milk is mostly water so having a lot of soup definitely helped with being able to feed Bub
  • You’re meant to eat a lot of ginger to help ‘warm’ the body and heal – I love ginger so this was a great bonus
  • Was so thankful to not have to cook myself – I didn’t have the energy nor motivation to make ‘confinement’ meals if it was just me at home

Not so great

  • I kept being told not to touch cold water – after giving birth, your body opens up and is vulnerable to being ‘cold’ so you shouldn’t expose yourself to a lot of ‘cold’ things
  • I was reminded to always dress warm– if I didn’t wear something warm enough, there was the warning that I might get backaches or headaches later on which wouldn’t be fixed until the next confinement period
  • Not going out apart from a doctor’s appointment made me go a little cuckoo towards the end – I started counting down the days until I could be ‘set free’
  • As my body started ramping up breast milk production, I became ravenous and started eating A LOT. It did not help my postpartum body with the excessive eating and sitting at home

Lessons learned

  • I definitely agree with the principle behind confinement: giving your body time to heal and rejuvenate after giving birth. Having lots of nutritious soup and a variety of ‘real’ foods was great for recovery and breast milk production
  • If I ever have another baby, I will do confinement my way: resting at home and having nutritious food, but going out for gentle walks and fresh air when I feel strong enough
Breast is best, but it’s bloody hard work

Breast is best, but it’s bloody hard work

by DIY: Babies & Parenting ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Looking back on the first month after Bub was born, apart from lack of sleep, the most difficult challenge for me was learning how to breastfeed.

My expectation was that once the baby came out, they would latch on naturally and suckle away – end of story. I was way off.

Once Bub was born, you do the first feed of colostrum (yellow liquid which lines their stomach and provides immunity). He bobbed his head toward my boob and latched on. So far so good.

The midwives teach you about how best to latch in hospital: wait until their mouths are wide open and once they latch on, make sure their lips are flanged out around your whole nipple. Seems simple.

The next few days and nights at hospital, I just put him on without caring too much about the latch. I attended a lactation session in the hospital with other new mums and watched whilst other mums struggled to get their babies to latch on ‘perfectly’ and didn’t think much of it.

Once we got home, I was ‘on my own’.

Your milk doesn’t usually come in until a couple days after Bub is born.

Mine came in after 3-4 days and my boobs felt rock hard and I even got a fever, which supposedly is ‘normal’ (fever only lasted 1 night luckily).

I started to get really sore and painful nipples post feeds. It got to a point where it was so painful to feed that I internally cringed when Bub would start crying with hunger and winced with pain during it.

I started to obsess over each latch and getting him on ‘perfectly’ to minimise the pain. Also tried breast cooling gels and pads, cabbage leaves, cool wash towels and put breast milk over the nipple after each feed to speed up the healing process.  I watched Youtube videos on how to get your baby to latch and read multiple online articles. I even tried various feeding positions like the football hold, lying down, sitting him up etc, but they all felt so awkward.

The midwives came to visit after I got home and would give me advice and watch me latch him on – it was ok, but still painful. I even called the Australian Breastfeeding Association (fantastic organisation) for help, but when you’re speaking to someone over the phone, they’re pretty limited in what they can do. I was considering going into the hospital to see a lactation consultant, but during those first few weeks, I was exhausted and recovering from labour and couldn’t fathom getting out of the house to go to the hospital.

There were several times where I broke down crying as it felt like I was never going to get the hang of it and that this pain would never end. One night, I tried probably around 50 times to get the latch right and still couldn’t seem to get the hang of it. I could not understand how the hell I was going to get through the next month let alone 6+ months.

I was considering putting Bub onto formula, but felt SO GUILTY as everyone drills ‘breast is best’ into your head. So I felt like I was in between a rock and a hard place.

Finally, at one of the later midwife visits, I got a lovely midwife who told me:

  • There is no one ‘perfect’ latch, just keep exploring and learning with Bub to get the one that is right for you
  • If you can’t get the hang of it, then just do what you need to do to survive
  • There’s nothing wrong with giving your baby formula (she was formula fed herself)

Her open and relaxed attitude really helped turn things around for me.

I still wanted to breastfeed, but to survive, I stopped breastfeeding for a couple of days and and used formula so my nipples could heal. Once they felt better, I kept trying.

After a couple weeks, I found my nipples were getting used to the constant feeding.

Then I got mastitis. Mastitis is inflammation due to a blocked milk duct. Mine was on the bottom part of my right boob. It was sore and painful to touch and felt like knives stabbing my boob when I fed. I had fever on and off and felt weak and sickly. I was still watching over Bub during this time and if not for help from my family, I don’t know how I would have survived.

The cure:

  • Before each feed, get a warm towel or use your hand and really knead your breast – like you’re kneading dough
  • Feed from the infected breast first and try to get Bub’s bottom lip positioned above the sore area – the bottom lip draws the most milk
  • After they feed from the infected side, you can pump out some more milk from that breast if you feel it’s not fully drained (the purpose is to unblock the duct)
  • Take panadol if you need as it hurts a lot to feed from the infected breast
  • Go to the doctor and get antibiotics if your fever doesn’t go away
  • Took around a week to heal

Post mastitis, I felt more confident feeding Bub and found he latched on better.

I found that as the weeks and months went on, both he and I got the hang of it and I really just had to give it time to master breastfeeding.

So, lessons learned are:

  • Don’t underestimate the difficulty of breastfeeding
  • Your ‘virgin’ nipples will get used to the constant feeding and will ‘harden up’ in time
  • Get as much help as possible while in hospital
  • No such thing as the perfect latch – find what works for you & your baby
  • When having a hot shower, massage your boobs to help the milk flow and prevent or unclog blocked ducts (if any)
  • Make use of feeding aids like breast gels/pads/wash towels etc
  • It will take time for you and Bub to get the hang of it – if you want to breastfeed, hang in there (easy to say, hard to do) as you’ve got to give it time
  • Most importantly: do what works for you and what helps you survive – everyone can judge, but they’re not the ones doing it. You get to decide
Postpartum

Postpartum

by DIY: Babies & Parenting ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

SO MUCH happens after Bub is born. A friend of mine told me that labour is nothing compared to afterwards. I did not believe her, but guess what, she was right.

Right after birth

  • Bub is placed on your chest and the labour pain disappears as if nothing had happened
  • They try to breastfeed bub – you don’t get milk straight away, instead it’s colostrum which lines Bub’s stomach for immunity
  • BYO diapers because the hospital doesn’t supply them (not in my experience at least)
  • They don’t bathe Bub for the first night to keep the mother’s stuff on them and boost their immunity (they will show you how to bathe Bub the next night)
  • I was snipped a bit to help Bub’s head come out – so I had to wait for a doctor to get stitched up – couldn’t really feel anything apart from one area which didn’t have anaesthetic, but it just felt like a sting. This is when those stirrups come into play and your vagina is out on show
  • All my family came to hold him and watch the midwife measure/test him
  • You get up and you feel a bit dizzy and your tummy feels so weird like it’s ‘empty’. You walk cautiously and slowly to the toilet and you have to pee a certain amount within a certain time frame – it’s hard to pee and only a bit comes out with blood
  • You have your first shower – weirdest experience ever
  • We went through the public system and were lucky to secure a partner room so my husband could stay with me – Bub was sleeping soundly throughout the night and I thought: this is easy
  • Had Maccas and breastfed bub only a couple times (TIP: if you choose to breastfeed, practice latching Bub as much as possible while you’re in hospital and midwives/nurses are around – get it right now to avoid PAIN later)
  • Bub’s poo is black like tar and hard to clean – it will eventually transition to yellow/mustard seeds
  • TIP: keep asking for these small ice blocks which you put into your pad to help help your vagina
  • You & Bub get checked on every couple of hours by the midwife (amazing support)
  •  

Week 1

  • You walk out of the hospital and it’s like you’re on another planet
  • Now the fun begins once you get home: it’s time to now learn how to actually parent
  • I didn’t learn to breastfeed properly and Bub didn’t latch well. My nipples got cracked and sore and it stung like a mothaf* to feed. Everytime Bub cried in hunger, fear ran through me as I knew pain was coming. One night, I broke down crying (even though I had called the Australian Breastfeeding Association). I felt guilt that I couldn’t feed him and didn’t want to give him formula as that felt like I had failed.

So I was forced to compromise: I rested my nipples for a whole day and pumped and gave formula as a top up. The midwife comes to visit you at home twice and on my second visit, she told me: DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO SURVIVE, THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY

  • My milk came in after approx. 3 days and at night I got a fever. Thought I was ill and called the hospital helpline – was told this is normal once your milk comes in. Fever broke overnight and then I was fine
  • Feelings: longing for the times prior to Bub, feeling alone as only I could feed him, blardy tired, no f*ing clue what is going on (and I was living with my parents so had so much more support than usual)
  • Sleeping: Bub woke up every 2 hours or so and fed for about an hour – felt like shit. Bub will naturally sleep longer overnight and you will also get used to not getting a whole night’s sleep. At around 4 weeks, he should only need to feed 10-15 minutes per boob before falling asleep
  • If Bub gets acne on his face, just leave it, it will clear after a couple days
  • Bathing: we decided to bathe everyday – at around week 3-4, you can start doing some massaging post bath to help with digestion
  • At first, Bub will cry whenever you change or bath him – don’t worry he’ll get used to it
  • Your appetite will increase SO MUCH as your milk is coming in- don’t worry, it’ll quieten down after awhile and ‘go back to normal’ – try to eat healthily
  • Lesson: as long as Bub is fed, clean and secure it’s pretty much all you need to learn how to do initially. Bub will be quite sleepy overall and won’t open his eyes much 
  • TIP: rotate Bub’s head from sleeping on one side to the other to avoid flattening one side of his skull
  • Gross fact: I had quite a bit of bleeding, felt quite weak and had a massive blood clot come out. In terms of exercise: give yourself at least a month to recover (for those fitness freaks: I know it’s hard, but you need to give your body time to recover).

Weeks 2-7

  • Breastfeeding still difficult to master. Bub wouldn’t latch properly to my right boob compared to my left and it felt quite uncomfortable. I used cold cabbage leaves and various breast gels to help soothe my nipples. Eventually you will get used to having your nipples pulled and tugged at – but it takes a good couple of weeks
  • You will get the hang of breastfeeding – I did by around week 6. It gets to a point where your milk could squirt out like a fountain (use breastpads!)
  • I developed mastitis: blocked milk duct usually from Bub not latching properly. The milk goes into other areas of your breast and it gets inflamed. You get fevers on and off and you have to take care of your baby still (no rest for the wicked)

Cure: feed from the mastitis breast first and drain it as much as possible (start on that breast and pump out if you still feel ‘full’ after feeding). You may need to change Bub’s feeding position – get his bottom lip to be above the sore area as the bottom lip will draw the most milk out. Also went to doctor and got antibiotics

This was a blessing in disguise because I learned to feed Bub in a different way and realised that I had probably developed mastitis earlier on which was why it was uncomfortable to feed from the left boob

  • Sleep (I will do an updated post on this): there are SO many opinions on this. My way was a more gentle/natural way:
    • I let Bub guide me – they know how much sleep they need and you just go along for the ride
    • I try to teach him day versus night. During the day, expose them to sound, light, talking, singing etc. At night, I turn the light off (just have a night light so you can still see) and keep it relatively quiet
    • My routine: Bathe bub, feed then sing and put him to sleep. When he gets up overnight, I feed him one side, burp him, change his diaper, feed the other side, burp him, then put him to sleep
    • He naturally started sleeping longer week by week. There are some nights where they have a growth spurt and they wake up more frequently, but again, trust that they know what they’re doing

Week 8

  • Bub starting to be more aware and smile. He is fascinated by bright colours and loves singing and talking. He enjoys bath time and tummy time is improving. He’s started eating his hands when he’s hungry and can maintain eye contact.
  • We tried to have sex: it felt quite unfamiliar as I felt like a milk machine rather than a sexy bunny. Also I was scared I would maybe tear again and I didn’t want to wake Bub (sleep is also sacrified). So it didn’t really work out, but we talked about it after and agreed to just keep trying (Rome wasn’t built in a day) and we need to actually schedule time in for intimacy. You don’t have to have sex everyday to be truly intimate. For me and my partner, our love goes beyond sex and our spirits/souls are already forever together

I stopped documenting each week after the 8th week – Bub is now 11 months and doing well. I will post more based on milestone events like solids, sleep etc so more to come! 🙂