Tag: baby

Parenting sins and how they can work for you

Parenting sins and how they can work for you

by DIY: Babies & Parenting ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Here are some parenting sins I commit on a frequent basis, but I’m proud to say they work for me (and hopefully makes you feel better if you experience the same)

1. iPad/iPhone time: you’re not meant to give your child too much technology. But when you’re trying to have a proper meal at a restaurant or cleaning up the dishes/house, sometimes giving your child YouTube is a blessing and a win win really. Thank you YouTube for entertaining my son when I really need it! Just try to limit it I guess ha

2. Late bedtime: there have been plenty of times where Bub is put to bed late. As much as we try to prep meals, clean up quickly and efficiently or say that we’ll leave by x time, life and fun gets in the way. But if this happens, I’ll try and let Bub get up later. Kudos to those who can maintain consistent bedtimes for their children-I’m just getting by ha

3. Sweets: yes I am guilty of letting Bub have ice cream, cake, biscuits and other guilty pleasures. Why? Cause he loves it and I don’t want him growing up deprived and then unleashing and binging. But I do try to limit it – everything in moderation!

4. Secondhand goods: I’m not made of money nor can I justify paying over $20 for a tshirt which he is going to wear for a couple of months. So I am open to receiving hand me downs for Bub – not only is it economical and environmentally friendly (reuse!), but who can resist free stuff?

5. Eating the good stuff: so sometimes if there is a nice piece of cut up fruit or meat etc, rather than give the best to Bub, I’ll eat it. Why? Because I deserve something nice sometimes and he’s not going to know or care.

6. Lack of routine: I tried, but it was too hard to get Bub into a full blown sleep, eat and repeat routine so I just go with the flow and if he’s tired, he’ll sleep. I find this has worked well because we can still go do things without having to be restricted because his nap is due at x pm

7. Not super prepared: I’m too lazy and short of time to pre prepare healthy snacks and meals when we head out. Instead I’ll let him have chips or whatever we’re eating. I’d rather get him used to doing what the rest of us is rather than feeling like he is entitled to a lot of speciality treatment

So yea that’s my top 7 parenting sins and how it works for me. I think I’m actually a great parent and I love my son beyond words. I hope the above shows you that you don’t have to be perfect to get it right 🙂

Emergency, emergency!

Emergency, emergency!

by DIY: Babies & Parenting ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Recently I got the dreaded call that Bub needed to go to emergency. This was the first time it happened and I wanted to share my experience for any other first-timers to be.

Bub had caught some virus and had the usual fevers and feeling unwell. We’d been treating with good ol Panadol and Nurofen. However on the day of the incident, my mother in law was watching him and noticed that after a nap, Bub was shivering and had blue lips. She immediately called my husband (who was home) to take Bub to hospital. When my husband called me, I was just finishing up my lunch break at work. When I heard ‘blue lips’ and ‘emergency’, shock hit. I organised to go straight home (grateful to work in an understanding team). On the way to the hospital, I had mixed feelings: shock mixed with nerves and some anxiety, impatience to get there and see the situation for myself and hold my baby. Overall I felt in my heart Bub should be ok as it was likely to do with the virus and he was going to get help. So I wasn’t in massive breakdown mode, but perhaps it was also some disbelief that this was happening.

Upon arrival to hospital, we were seen very quickly and an initial assessment done. Bub didn’t have blue lips and had a fever instead when I got there, which gave me some comfort that it was a virus and nothing more sinister. After administering Panadol and Nurofen, the hospital staff noted that although his fever had gone down and behaviour more normal, his breathing rate was still quite quick. So just to be sure, he had a chest X-ray and blood test taken.

For the X-ray, I went into the room with him and he sat down against this block whilst I held his shoulders back. As he was grumpy, he kept crying and protesting so it was a bit of a struggle to get the X-ray done. But we got there in the end. For the blood test, he had numbing cream put on so he wouldn’t feel the needle as much. When taking blood, we distracted him with Youtube and one of the nurses also blew bubbles – it was like a party in the room with the singing and bubbles ha!

After an hour, we got the all clear and they did a nose swab just in case Bub doesn’t get better by next week (results would be made available to the GP).

This all took place over approx 8 hours in hospital (we went public). We were all knackered by the time we got to go home.

So my top lessons learned from the experience are:

1. If you’re by yourself with Bub then tend to them. But if someone is there with you or there is opportunity to, take a video of the symptoms. That way, if they stop by the time you get to hospital, you’ll have a record to show staff there and improve the diagnosis

2. Get ambulance cover for Bub-although we didn’t have to use it, I was glad I had this in place (good safety blanket which would really come in use when needed)

3. Bring a charger – if we didn’t have youtube, our already cranky Bub wouldn’t have lasted those 8 hours.

4. Focus on the next step: it’s easy to think the worst on the way to the hospital. You’re gona be worried/freaked out/scared, but try to focus on the next step eg getting to the bus/train/car, driving to the hospital, getting into the lifts etc

5. Going to hospital plus the overall wait involved (for test results, check ins etc) can be draining and it’s easy to develop a negative mindset. I felt overall the experience was quite positive because we enjoyed the moment for what it had to offer – we were able to all be together in a safe place, Bub was showing off his baby shark and monkey on the bed dance moves, we got to learn about the different ways modern medicine has developed to make it easier to treat children and feeling grateful for the right people and things in place to allow us to get help for Bub. So would recommend trying to keep a more positive mindset and find enjoyment in the present moment.

Hope this doesn’t happen to your Bub, but if it does, I hope the above tips come in handy 🙂

There’s more to life than Bub? My working mama lessons

There’s more to life than Bub? My working mama lessons

by DIY: Babies & Parenting ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Being a parent is a job in itself. For me, I’ve chosen to go back to full time work and wanted to share my experience, any lessons I’ve picked up to juggle both roles and highlight that it’s a continuing lesson to get it right and achieve your ‘goals’.

I’m the type of person who can’t stay at home, I like working because it makes me feel like I’m doing something for myself and working on me (I guess it’s akin to self-care). So I ended up going back to work after Bub was 9 months. And boy I was pretty ready to go back – I felt like after the 6 month mark, ‘how to parent’ became easier as the lessons gained momentum and I got into more of a rhythm. For me, staying at home all day did my head on and I envied my husband who got to go to work haha!

However, going back had its challenges:

-Initial feelings of worry, guilt and anxiety about leaving Bub in childcare

-People being surprised that I wasn’t taking a full 12 months and going back full time (I got this reaction a lot)

-Having to plan ahead and wean Bub off daytime feeds

-Concern about how I was going to remember how to work

-How would the whole pick up/drop off logistics work

-Would I survive given I was still boobing Bub overnight?

But you just gota go for it and work things through one at a time.

Initially when I went back to work, it felt SO weird – like I was on another planet. I was so used to being a homebody that going back to a professional environment was a bit alien to me. However, I had a supportive team and because I was good at my job before I left (yes sounds like I’m boasting, but this is factually true haha), it came back to me relatively quickly and I hit the ground running.

It was nice to go to work and not have to deal with feeding Bub, stimulating and playing with him, getting him the right amount of naps etc. Was also nice to do adult things and have adult conversations. We are fortunate to have a split care system for Bub: 2 days with grandparents and 3 at childcare so counting our blessings.

In terms of ‘balancing’ life and work, my job was flexible enough so that I’d start early and leave early. Now I’ve started a new job and have had to adjust my hours for now so I get enough face time to learn and become skilled. Once I’m ready, I will consider rejigging work to better suit life.

So there’s a couple of things that I wanted to dig a bit deeper into-these are the main ‘challenges’ I’ve encountered since returning to work:

1. Bub started the immunity building program at childcare – simply put, he keeps getting sick. Flu, cold, gastro etc. Not fun to deal with and usually results in lack of sleep, me or hubby getting sick and Bub not being able to go to childcare. What sucks is that if he doesn’t attend, we still have to pay! Thank goodness for carer’s leave. But the worst is getting barely any proper sleep and having to go to work. I swear, if I ever get to set working policies down the track, I will work out some way to help other parents in this situation – you just feel like shit and all you want to do is sleep.

2. Feeling guilty about working full time: most people I know go back part time and then assess. For me, I adopted the reverse: I’d go back full time and if it wasn’t working for me, change to part time. I think the major reason for this (apart from financially) is that I wanted to ‘lean in’ (adopting advice from Sheryl Sandberg’s book called Lean in). This also prompted me to find a new role with better opportunities. But this doesn’t come without some worry and guilt. Guilt that I should be spending precious time with Bub before he grows up and doesn’t want to hang out with me as much. Am I a bad mum for wanting to develop myself? Nah I don’t think so because if I’m happy then I can be an even better parent.

3. Trying to do it all: I’ve written about the mental load, but wanted to highlight that when I started full time work, I still expected we can clean, cook and do life well. It’s not easy (obviously) and I think you need to be quite organised and push for your partner to do their bit. For me, I’m very organised so it’s not an issue – the biggest issue is trying to take over everything and not giving my partner the space to do it. To be honest, I still direct everything, but that’s just how we work and I like it like that.

4. Feeling torn between wanting to progress my career, but have enough Bub and me time: can you have it all? Some say yes some say no. Given the shift towards more flexible working (although I sometimes feel guilty asking and actioning it), perhaps you can. I’ve read enough about how there is so much untapped potential in working mums-we have so many abilities which translates well into work. So for me, this is a work in progress as I learn to professionally grow and balance that with family life. I think part of the answer lies in being clear about your priorities to your employer, working in a team where they support you and having the courage to practice ‘flexible working’.

So my top tips for working mums:

-As I always say, do what works for you. Sometimes you have to push past the guilt and not talk yourself out of what might really work for you e.g. if you want to work part time, full time or not at all and it’s right for you, then do that

-Take everything one step at a time and be in the moment! If Bub is sick and it feels like they’re never going to get better, remember this too shall pass. Focus on the here and now and hey at least you’ll be grateful for when things go back to ‘normal’

-If possible, map out a good routine with your family and push for it to happen

-If you’re thriving, that means you’re going to be a better version of you and a better parent

-You’re not alone, myself and many others and still working through this!

Good luck! 🙂

Sleep (or lack thereof)

Sleep (or lack thereof)

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One of the biggest changes for me entering parenthood is sleep (or lack thereof). Here is my sleep ‘evolution’ from pregnancy to postpartum. Warning: I now have a perfectly imperfect sleep situation with Bub. This post is not a sleep training post, but more to show you that with some (probably most) babies, sleeping through the night is not a realistic expectation to place on them.

During pregnancy, I slept really well apart from occasional wake-ups to relieve my bladder. People warned me to ‘enjoy’ my sleep because I won’t get anything like it for many years. When I was pregnant, I knew sleep would become interrupted, but didn’t appreciate how ‘interrupted’.

Once Bub was born and whilst in hospital, he slept really well and I thought: piece of cake! Boy was I wrong – once we got home and reality set in, the challenge really started.

Initially my body was exhausted from labour so that did not help. Bub also kept waking very frequently to feed. Whilst my milk was being built up and Bub was cluster feeding, there were times he would feed from 10pm – 1/2am – staying up with him on the boob was draining and tiring. Add to that the nights where I would walk up and down the hallway for at least an hour trying to get him to fall asleep and you get a very exhausted mummy. The only way I survived was I learned to nap while he napped or just lie down if I couldn’t fall asleep. It was exhausting, but after the initial 6 weeks, Bub’s overnight sleeping went from 1-2 hourly to 3 hourly (that extra hour was heaven).

I tried to teach him the difference between day and night by having a bedtime routine (bath and feed) and keeping it quiet and dark at night. We were doing ok until the 4 month ‘sleep regression’ which for us lasted 2 months! He kept waking every hour or two. Then once he hit 6 months, it went back to around 3-4 hours and then every 2-3 hours overnight.

During this time, I had gotten some sleep guides from kind mum friends, which taught you to have set nap times to establish a ‘routine’. It had daily nap and feeding schedules which were quite helpful. However, it really stressed me out when I couldn’t get Bub to sleep or nod off on time/for the allocated time. I know some friends whose Bubs accustomed quite well to it, but for me, it wasn’t the right thing and caused more stress. I was also considering sleep school as I was going back to work after Bub was 9 months and wanted to make sure everything was steady before then.

Then I read a book which emphasised how sleep is very much a developmental milestone and like other milestones like walking, eating, smiling etc, it is unique for each baby. So after that, I just relaxed and went with the flow. I stopped trying to time his naps and trusted that when he was tired, he would communicate that and if he needed to wake up frequently overnight, it was because he needed my comfort. So long as I provided him with the security and love he needed, he will get there in the end (I will do another post about ‘Circle of Security parenting’ down the track).

Now Bub is almost 12 months and our sleeping ‘schedule’ goes something like this:

Mon – Fri: Bub is at childcare 3 days during the week and with grandparents the other 2. Thanks to childcare and us just letting him nap when he feels the need to, he quite easily falls asleep during the day and has 2-3 naps.

We found that after commencing childcare, he falls asleep really easily – I think it’s because they don’t ‘spoil’ them to get what they want so the babies learn to more independently fall asleep

Sat/Sun: we go about our weekend and when he shows signs of sleepiness, let him do his thing.

Each night (Mon – Sun), we keep to routine of bath then feed to sleep. I only breastfeed at night and I co-sleep with Bub (more on weaning breastfeeds for work in a future post to come). When he cries at night or wakes, I’ll pop him on the boob and we fall back asleep. He wakes up 2-3 times generally including when we have to get up, so it’s not too bad (will wake more when he’s sick or going through a growth stage).

So I guess I’m committing the sins of sleep training by feeding him to sleep, using the boob to comfort him back to sleep overnight and co-sleeping. But I don’t care. Why? Because it works for our family – I get a pretty restful sleep so I can go to work full-time, Bub gets the comfort of mum and to be honest, I love having him next to me knowing that he’s safe and being able to wake up to his smiles. And guess what, Bub is thriving!

I was also comforted by a fellow mum who said she breastfed her baby at night until he was around 16 months – she found that after they got the hang of teething and night terrors etc, they just naturally slept longer throughout the night.

So all in all, I have not had one night of uninterrupted sleep since giving birth (us mums are true superheroes), but know that one day, I will miss what I have now, so it’s all good.

Lessons learned:

  • If you haven’t had a baby yet, ENJOY YOUR SLEEP
  • Don’t expect your baby to sleep through the night – it’s a developmental milestone (if yours does, count your blessings)
  • There are plenty of guides and resources out there (including sleep school). I’m a big believer on the more ‘natural’ method, but that’s what works for me and what I feel comfortable with
  • Which brings me to my last point: do what works for you and your family – don’t feel bad if you find what works for you is ‘frowned’ upon because there’s no such thing as a perfect baby. So long as you, Bub & family are healthy and happy, that’s all that matters
Breast is best, but it’s bloody hard work

Breast is best, but it’s bloody hard work

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Looking back on the first month after Bub was born, apart from lack of sleep, the most difficult challenge for me was learning how to breastfeed.

My expectation was that once the baby came out, they would latch on naturally and suckle away – end of story. I was way off.

Once Bub was born, you do the first feed of colostrum (yellow liquid which lines their stomach and provides immunity). He bobbed his head toward my boob and latched on. So far so good.

The midwives teach you about how best to latch in hospital: wait until their mouths are wide open and once they latch on, make sure their lips are flanged out around your whole nipple. Seems simple.

The next few days and nights at hospital, I just put him on without caring too much about the latch. I attended a lactation session in the hospital with other new mums and watched whilst other mums struggled to get their babies to latch on ‘perfectly’ and didn’t think much of it.

Once we got home, I was ‘on my own’.

Your milk doesn’t usually come in until a couple days after Bub is born.

Mine came in after 3-4 days and my boobs felt rock hard and I even got a fever, which supposedly is ‘normal’ (fever only lasted 1 night luckily).

I started to get really sore and painful nipples post feeds. It got to a point where it was so painful to feed that I internally cringed when Bub would start crying with hunger and winced with pain during it.

I started to obsess over each latch and getting him on ‘perfectly’ to minimise the pain. Also tried breast cooling gels and pads, cabbage leaves, cool wash towels and put breast milk over the nipple after each feed to speed up the healing process.  I watched Youtube videos on how to get your baby to latch and read multiple online articles. I even tried various feeding positions like the football hold, lying down, sitting him up etc, but they all felt so awkward.

The midwives came to visit after I got home and would give me advice and watch me latch him on – it was ok, but still painful. I even called the Australian Breastfeeding Association (fantastic organisation) for help, but when you’re speaking to someone over the phone, they’re pretty limited in what they can do. I was considering going into the hospital to see a lactation consultant, but during those first few weeks, I was exhausted and recovering from labour and couldn’t fathom getting out of the house to go to the hospital.

There were several times where I broke down crying as it felt like I was never going to get the hang of it and that this pain would never end. One night, I tried probably around 50 times to get the latch right and still couldn’t seem to get the hang of it. I could not understand how the hell I was going to get through the next month let alone 6+ months.

I was considering putting Bub onto formula, but felt SO GUILTY as everyone drills ‘breast is best’ into your head. So I felt like I was in between a rock and a hard place.

Finally, at one of the later midwife visits, I got a lovely midwife who told me:

  • There is no one ‘perfect’ latch, just keep exploring and learning with Bub to get the one that is right for you
  • If you can’t get the hang of it, then just do what you need to do to survive
  • There’s nothing wrong with giving your baby formula (she was formula fed herself)

Her open and relaxed attitude really helped turn things around for me.

I still wanted to breastfeed, but to survive, I stopped breastfeeding for a couple of days and and used formula so my nipples could heal. Once they felt better, I kept trying.

After a couple weeks, I found my nipples were getting used to the constant feeding.

Then I got mastitis. Mastitis is inflammation due to a blocked milk duct. Mine was on the bottom part of my right boob. It was sore and painful to touch and felt like knives stabbing my boob when I fed. I had fever on and off and felt weak and sickly. I was still watching over Bub during this time and if not for help from my family, I don’t know how I would have survived.

The cure:

  • Before each feed, get a warm towel or use your hand and really knead your breast – like you’re kneading dough
  • Feed from the infected breast first and try to get Bub’s bottom lip positioned above the sore area – the bottom lip draws the most milk
  • After they feed from the infected side, you can pump out some more milk from that breast if you feel it’s not fully drained (the purpose is to unblock the duct)
  • Take panadol if you need as it hurts a lot to feed from the infected breast
  • Go to the doctor and get antibiotics if your fever doesn’t go away
  • Took around a week to heal

Post mastitis, I felt more confident feeding Bub and found he latched on better.

I found that as the weeks and months went on, both he and I got the hang of it and I really just had to give it time to master breastfeeding.

So, lessons learned are:

  • Don’t underestimate the difficulty of breastfeeding
  • Your ‘virgin’ nipples will get used to the constant feeding and will ‘harden up’ in time
  • Get as much help as possible while in hospital
  • No such thing as the perfect latch – find what works for you & your baby
  • When having a hot shower, massage your boobs to help the milk flow and prevent or unclog blocked ducts (if any)
  • Make use of feeding aids like breast gels/pads/wash towels etc
  • It will take time for you and Bub to get the hang of it – if you want to breastfeed, hang in there (easy to say, hard to do) as you’ve got to give it time
  • Most importantly: do what works for you and what helps you survive – everyone can judge, but they’re not the ones doing it. You get to decide