Looking back on the first month after Bub was born, apart from lack of sleep, the most difficult challenge for me was learning how to breastfeed.

My expectation was that once the baby came out, they would latch on naturally and suckle away – end of story. I was way off.

Once Bub was born, you do the first feed of colostrum (yellow liquid which lines their stomach and provides immunity). He bobbed his head toward my boob and latched on. So far so good.

The midwives teach you about how best to latch in hospital: wait until their mouths are wide open and once they latch on, make sure their lips are flanged out around your whole nipple. Seems simple.

The next few days and nights at hospital, I just put him on without caring too much about the latch. I attended a lactation session in the hospital with other new mums and watched whilst other mums struggled to get their babies to latch on ‘perfectly’ and didn’t think much of it.

Once we got home, I was ‘on my own’.

Your milk doesn’t usually come in until a couple days after Bub is born.

Mine came in after 3-4 days and my boobs felt rock hard and I even got a fever, which supposedly is ‘normal’ (fever only lasted 1 night luckily).

I started to get really sore and painful nipples post feeds. It got to a point where it was so painful to feed that I internally cringed when Bub would start crying with hunger and winced with pain during it.

I started to obsess over each latch and getting him on ‘perfectly’ to minimise the pain. Also tried breast cooling gels and pads, cabbage leaves, cool wash towels and put breast milk over the nipple after each feed to speed up the healing process.  I watched Youtube videos on how to get your baby to latch and read multiple online articles. I even tried various feeding positions like the football hold, lying down, sitting him up etc, but they all felt so awkward.

The midwives came to visit after I got home and would give me advice and watch me latch him on – it was ok, but still painful. I even called the Australian Breastfeeding Association (fantastic organisation) for help, but when you’re speaking to someone over the phone, they’re pretty limited in what they can do. I was considering going into the hospital to see a lactation consultant, but during those first few weeks, I was exhausted and recovering from labour and couldn’t fathom getting out of the house to go to the hospital.

There were several times where I broke down crying as it felt like I was never going to get the hang of it and that this pain would never end. One night, I tried probably around 50 times to get the latch right and still couldn’t seem to get the hang of it. I could not understand how the hell I was going to get through the next month let alone 6+ months.

I was considering putting Bub onto formula, but felt SO GUILTY as everyone drills ‘breast is best’ into your head. So I felt like I was in between a rock and a hard place.

Finally, at one of the later midwife visits, I got a lovely midwife who told me:

• There is no one ‘perfect’ latch, just keep exploring and learning with Bub to get the one that is right for you
• If you can’t get the hang of it, then just do what you need to do to survive
• There’s nothing wrong with giving your baby formula (she was formula fed herself)

Her open and relaxed attitude really helped turn things around for me.

I still wanted to breastfeed, but to survive, I stopped breastfeeding for a couple of days and and used formula so my nipples could heal. Once they felt better, I kept trying.

After a couple weeks, I found my nipples were getting used to the constant feeding.

Then I got mastitis. Mastitis is inflammation due to a blocked milk duct. Mine was on the bottom part of my right boob. It was sore and painful to touch and felt like knives stabbing my boob when I fed. I had fever on and off and felt weak and sickly. I was still watching over Bub during this time and if not for help from my family, I don’t know how I would have survived.

The cure:

• Before each feed, get a warm towel or use your hand and really knead your breast – like you’re kneading dough
• Feed from the infected breast first and try to get Bub’s bottom lip positioned above the sore area – the bottom lip draws the most milk
• After they feed from the infected side, you can pump out some more milk from that breast if you feel it’s not fully drained (the purpose is to unblock the duct)
• Take panadol if you need as it hurts a lot to feed from the infected breast
• Go to the doctor and get antibiotics if your fever doesn’t go away
• Took around a week to heal

Post mastitis, I felt more confident feeding Bub and found he latched on better.

I found that as the weeks and months went on, both he and I got the hang of it and I really just had to give it time to master breastfeeding.

So, lessons learned are:

• Don’t underestimate the difficulty of breastfeeding
• Your ‘virgin’ nipples will get used to the constant feeding and will ‘harden up’ in time
• Get as much help as possible while in hospital
• No such thing as the perfect latch – find what works for you & your baby
• When having a hot shower, massage your boobs to help the milk flow and prevent or unclog blocked ducts (if any)
• Make use of feeding aids like breast gels/pads/wash towels etc
• It will take time for you and Bub to get the hang of it – if you want to breastfeed, hang in there (easy to say, hard to do) as you’ve got to give it time
• Most importantly: do what works for you and what helps you survive – everyone can judge, but they’re not the ones doing it. You get to decide