Tag: parenting tip

Bye bye boobie, hello bottle!

Bye bye boobie, hello bottle!

by DIY: Babies & Parenting ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

For those fellow mamas who are planning to go back to work or ready to stop breastfeeding, here’s my experience and tips on how to transition from boob to bottle:

I went back to work when Bub was 9 months old. I’d read that transitioning a baby off of breast milk would take time so at around the 6 month mark, I started the weaning process.

My initial plan was to wean Bub off daytime feeds, pump at work and feed at night until he settled into childcare. Then I would wean him off night time feeds too.

To wean off daytime feeds, I dropped one daytime feed every couple of days. This allowed my boobs to slowly reduce milk production and that feeling of rock hardness you get when you haven’t fed Bub. It was difficult initially because Bub kept crying and I felt bad, but after a couple days, he adjusted.

Instead of feeding via boob, I tried to use a bottle. He would not take it at all. It was surprising because when Bub was really going and I had mastitis, we used a bottle for a couple days and Bub was fine. It seems the older they get, the more they ‘know’. We also tried feeding from a spoon, a cup and a sippy cup. Funnily enough, what seemed to work well was a clean beer bottle. For some reason, Bub was able to take a few sips from that.

At the same time, I was pumping milk, but Bub still wouldn’t really drink it. So I decided fuck it I will use formula: easier and less work.

Eventually, we got Bub drinking from one of those baby bottles with a straw so didn’t need to use the beer bottle. What also helped was offering it to him between bites of food. However, I found that overall, he didn’t drink much formula. I was concerned, but he was onto solids anyway. Also, one of the childcare educators said most of the time, the babies who started off breastfed rarely take to formula anyway so that made me feel better.

We offered formula until he was 12 months. It was such a waste because he didn’t drink much, but we still offered it to him.

In terms of dropping night time feeds after 12 months, I decided instead to let him naturally wean off. We have a good routine going and popping him onto the boob if he cries overnight is quicker and easier for me to get as much sleep as possible. I joined a Facebook group about natural weaning and was told that a) they will stop needing boob to fall asleep and b) generally happens after 18 months. So for now, it is what it is.

So what are the lessons learnt?

1. If you’re ready to wean off, do it gradually and drop one feed every couple days, then another and another etc.

2. If Bub doesn’t take to a bottle, experiment to find what works. Don’t despair if nothing really works, it takes them awhile to get used to it.

3. If Bub doesn’t really drink formula, also don’t despair. You can supplement with food and for me I found my Bub was fine in the end.

4. It’s a lot of test and learn as well as some patience for Bub to adjust. Likely your plan may not eventuate, but do what works for you!

How to deal: parenting advice

How to deal: parenting advice

by DIY: Babies & Parenting ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

One of most interesting things I’ve encountered through becoming a parent is the amount of opinions, advice and judgement that’s provided to ‘help’ bring up Bub. This spans all aspects of baby raising ranging from how to feed them, how they ‘should’ be sleeping, how much clothing to dress them in (my personal favourite), what I ‘should’ do in different situations and what they’re ‘supposed’ to be able to do at different ages. Most of this advice is usually offered without us asking for it or seeking it.

I’m sure I’m not the only one so here are my tips on how to deal:

1. I try to keep a positive mindset and think: what is the true intention of this advice? Usually, it’s because the person genuinely cares about Bub or me and is trying to help us. So for example, recently I found out my mother in law had been using a bit of hair growth shampoo on Bub as he doesn’t have much hair yet. Initially, I felt a lot of concern because I don’t want him exposed to unnecessary ‘chemicals’, but I dug deeper and thought ok why? And it’s because she loves him and wants to make sure his hair is growing ok. The intention is pure and sweet. And by thinking like this, it helps with your reaction. So rather than respond angrily I was able to be more diplomatic. Unless you know some pretty horrible people, most people have very good intentions when passing on their baby advice – by thinking from their perspective, it should help the situation.

2. Listen to the advice: it might actually be valuable! Being new to the parenting gig, I’ve found if I actually listen and take in the advice, sometimes it’s actually pretty good. Sometimes I think we need to put our egos aside and try to take on feedback or even aspects of the advice to help improve our parenting experience. Think of it like being handed a bowl of fruit, you don’t’ have to eat it all, just what you like.

3.  Take it in and let it go: I generally find things run smoothly if I listen to what the person has to say and respond with a thanks or I’ll have a think etc. I don’t think it’s worth showing annoyance or getting really worked up. That being said, we’re all human and I’ve definitely cracked it before especially when it comes from people you’re very comfortable with like family haha! You may not be in control of what others say, but you’re in complete control of your reaction and how much you let it get to you. I find meditation extremely helpful if there’s something that really gets to me – it allows me space to think it through, feel the feelings and move forward

4. Gratitude: sometimes it may help to really take a step back and think of 3 things you’re grateful for. For me I’m so grateful for: having my parents and in laws around who are head over heels in love with Bub and willingly help where they can, having a supportive husband who lets me rant and take charge where I want to and most of all so grateful to have the opportunity to be a parent. If you’re ever feeling shitty about something someone has said or done in relation to Bub, this might help you see the bigger picture and work out next steps.

5.  Ultimately, you’re the parent so you do what YOU want and think is right. If you’re fortunate to have others around who can provide advice/help you with Bub, you’ve got to take the good with the bad. At the end of the day, most of our issues are probably first world problems which can be easily solved or we can let go. Your gut/heart/intuition is your best guide. Add in your best intentions and you’ve GOT THIS. Trust yourself and enjoy the ride (at least you’re on it!) 😊

Mama thoughts on: Circle of security and attachment theory

Mama thoughts on: Circle of security and attachment theory

by DIY: Babies & Parenting ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I’ve been putting this post off for awhile as I wanted to get more familiar with the topic, but I’m just going to give it a go. Excuse also my lack of posting – we’ve had a continued bout of sickness ranging from various viruses through to gastro (eick).

Anyway, in some of my earlier posts, I’ve referred to the concept of the circle of security. I remember saying that I would write about it so here goes:

I was introduced to this ‘concept’ when I was seeing a psychologist to talk through my postnatal depression issues. I’ll try to break it down as easily and succinctly as possible.

What is it?

Circle of security (you can watch the animation on YouTube) is a concept that children go through a circle (cycle) of needing to go out and explore and then come back in. As parents, we are the hands that let them go off around the circle and welcome them back when they complete their exploration. It applies to anyone really. To put simply: we need to go out to explore and grow and then need a safe base to return home.

If we can help our kids go around the circle, it helps them build secure attachment.

What is secure attachment?

There is ‘attachment’ theory that is premised on the fact that people generally fall into a spectrum of attachment styles depending on how our childhood plays out. So for example, if you had parents who didn’t pay much attention to you and constantly rejected you, then you’re likely to be someone who keeps to themselves (reason being that your emotional needs weren’t met and so you don’t bother reaching out for connection).

Secure attachment is what we all hope to strive for. It’s not a perfect form of attachment, but more ideal as those who are securely attached are quite ‘balanced’.

How can this circle concept go wrong?

An example of a child going around the circle is at the playground. If you take your child there, generally they will want to run off to play and eventually come back.

Secure attachment would be if you encourage your child to go off whilst watching them and when they show signs of wanting to come back around the circle eg come back for a hug or yell out: watch me! and you reciprocate by giving them the hug or saying: good work honey!

Where it can go wrong is if your child wants to go and play, but you may say no don’t or stay very close etc or you show you don’t care and when they hurt themselves or call out for you, you ignore them.

The former scenario allows the child to explore and welcomes them backs. The latter doesn’t allow for the ‘circle’ to be complete.

Why would it go wrong?

Based on attachment theory, we have each grown up in different circumstances and this will mean we likely will lie somewhere along the spectrum of the attachment styles. For example, if you grew up fending for yourself, it’s likely that will effect the way you treat your child: either you become very protective because you don’t want them to experience the same or you could be very blasé about what they do.

So what’s the point of all this?

The good news is that even if as parents, we are not securely attached, we can still provide our children with secure attachment.

What’s even better is that you don’t need to be able to do this all of the time. As long as you try and this happens some of the time, then they’ll be fine. Aka there is no need to be a perfect parent, being a good enough one is even better!

There are books on these concepts so feel free to have a read. I wouldn’t call it a parenting model as such as I see it as a very logical, natural way of parenting.

Also, there are books that talk about how you can deal with your and your partner’s attachment style to improve the relationship. For example, if you have someone who is more clingy with someone who is quite aloof, there are tips such as the aloof partner checking in every now and then during the day with the cling partner etc.

I personally try to adopt secure attachment with my Bub and find it helpful as it helps me relax in my parenting style and feel comfortable that as long as I try, he’ll be fine.

So lessons:

1. There’s no need for perfect parenting, aim for good enough

2. Help your child around the circle of security – you won’t be able to all of the time, but try to some of the time

3. If you don’t agree that’s fine, do what you think is right 🙂