Wanted to share my personal experience with postnatal depression. Not a long post, but an important one if you’re going through it.

This is something that many parents go through and it should be talked about more so this is my contribution to the resources already out there helping others get through a difficult period.

I can see why so many parents (yes dads can experience it too!) could experience it: mixing exhaustion, interrupted/lack of sleep, figuring out parenthood day by day plus not being able to do things you used to be able to do is surely going to lead to a mental imbalance.

For me, after having Bub, I was very happy and thankful for him. The oxytocin kick definitely helped with the bonding process and getting through the first few weeks.

However, the interrupted and lack of sleep, learning how to breastfeed and overall massive change in my life made me yearn for the past and also feel very alone. I’m lucky to have a lot of support, but still felt this way. The main feelings/warning signs for me were:

-Sitting up overnight to feed Bub and reflecting on my life before he arrived, I really missed the freedom I had and felt like I was in it alone because only I could breastfeed my child

-I had unwanted and disturbing thoughts about situations where Bub could be hurt by me eg if I bathed him and kept him underwater. I would never harm him and it really freaked me out as to why these were popping up

-I got stressed if I did something ‘wrong’ and how it would affect Bub long term eg if I wasn’t happy all the time, would he grow up feeling depressed, how would I be able to protect him from the ‘bad’ things in the world etc

At the 6 week appointment and through the initial maternal child health appointments, they ask you about how you are to help identify post natal depression early. I think this is great because it shows there is definitely support out there and that it does happen to many people which is why there are measures in place to help you.

For me, it got to a point where I started feeling very ‘depressed’ inside – the best way I could explain it is feeling very low inside and not being able to shake it off.

The hardest thing about this period was actually deciding to do something about it – in a way it feels like I’ve failed already as a parent as I had something ‘wrong’ with me and things were only just starting! However, not wanting for this to get worse, I let my partner, family & close friends know how I felt and decided to call PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) which is a not for profit organisation supporting parents who experience post natal depression. When I called and spoke to someone, they asked me questions and was quite understanding. They sent me some resources, but suggested I contact my GP and get a referral to speak to someone.

I ended up going to see a psychologist to discuss how I was feeling. After the first few sessions (and through chats to my support network), I realised a few things:

-Those disturbing thoughts of harming Bub stemmed from me mentally processing the fact that he is so vulnerable and his survival depends on me

-The initial parenthood period was bloody hard and I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect. This made an already difficult experience even more difficult.

Once I realised that there is no such thing as perfect parenting and the high expectations I’d innately placed on myself, I was able to let that go.

So, what are the lessons I learned?

-If you’ve just had a baby and are feeling not like yourself, do something about it before it gets worse and reach out for help. The hardest thing about this is taking that first step to help yourself.

Talking to a third party really helped me realise what I was doing to myself. I think there is still a stigma on going to see a psychologist when your mental health is suffering. If you were hurt physically, you wouldn’t hesitate to go see a doctor. So the same applies for our mental health.

For me, I had to overcome my ego and face the reality that something was wrong. I’m so glad I did because I was able to ‘quickly’ overcome my postnatal depression and also discuss other things with the psychologist to gain tools to improve other areas of my life

-There is no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child – being good enough for your children and doing your best is the answer. I learned about the Circle of Security concept through the psychologist (will talk about it in a future post) and am grateful for this big important lesson

-Becoming a parent for the first time is hard. You can’t really describe how it feels or what it means to describe it as difficult (only those going through it will understand). Remember that you are not alone and there are plenty of others going through the same or worse. All we can do is take it day by day and trust me, things will get better. If it doesn’t, seek help!