Recently I experienced a very powerful lesson on being present and wanted to share with you all.

Bub is 20 months and has been boobin’ to sleep and when he wakes overnight. For us, it’s been the easiest and quickest way to get a good night’s sleep. I’ve always talked about weaning him off, sought advice on how to do it and read about a multitude of natural weaning ideas.

My husband and I said that around Xmas 2019 when I’m on a 2 week break from work is when we should officially stop the boob. However the closer we got to this point, the more I realised something: it’s not Bub who needs weaning off, it’s me.

Last week, we were out late and had left Bub with grandma. As he had fallen asleep by the time we got home, we let him sleep over. It was SO weird without him and missed him terribly (although it was nice to have my first ever night of uninterrupted sleep after 20 months!). More recently, as we were leaving my parents’ place, he didn’t want to go home. Despite trying to entice him with booby, he was still adamant on staying so we let him have another sleepover.

This second time really hit me. I balled my eyes out from driving home and before bed. This is when I truly realised 2 things:

1. I was the one who wasn’t willing/ready to stop night time boobing. Despite the fact that it can be tiring and you miss out on being able to do other things like stay out late at night, this is one thing that only I could provide my child. What is a very lovely bonding time was ending. Also, it was a bit of a shock to realise that he was now making decisions and didn’t choose mummy. I felt rejected and of no use to him. Breastfeeding for me was so difficult to get right and now the journey seems to be ending-can’t help wanting to still hang on.

2. Nothing lasts forever and how important it is to be present in the moment. I’ll admit there were plenty of times I would be on my phone whilst Bub was boobin’ away and waiting for him to fall asleep. Now looking back, I wish I had put the phone down and watched the beautiful transition from awake to sleep knowing that he felt safe and comfortable being close to me. There is a beautiful poem which I’ll put below about treasuring the moments with your child because you never know when it’ll be the last time that moment will happen. Looking back at photos of Bub, he has changed and grown so much and although it felt slow at times, overall it has passed so quickly.

So the 2 lessons learned:

1. Don’t let others dictate what you should do as a parent. Do what you feel is right. For me, not sure if this is the ‘natural’ end to nighttime booby, but if it is, I like to see it as the fact that I’ve given Bub enough security and love at night so he feels ‘empowered’ and confident to not require it anymore.

2. No matter how mundane the moment may be, anchor yourself to the present moment and enjoy. It may be the last time you get to experience it.

The Last Time:

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms, you will never be the same.

You might long for the person you were before,
When you have freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.

But don’t forget …You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

There is a last time for everything.

There will come a time when you will feed

your baby for the very last time.

They will fall asleep on you after a long day

And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,

And never pick them up that way again.

You will scrub their hair in the bath one night

And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.

They will hold your hand to cross the road,

Then never reach for it again.

They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,

And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.

One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus” and do all the actions,

Then never sing them that song again.

They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,

The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.

You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.

They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time until there are no more times.

And even then, it will take you a while to realise.

So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.

For one last time.