One of the biggest changes for me entering parenthood is sleep (or lack thereof). Here is my sleep ‘evolution’ from pregnancy to postpartum. Warning: I now have a perfectly imperfect sleep situation with Bub. This post is not a sleep training post, but more to show you that with some (probably most) babies, sleeping through the night is not a realistic expectation to place on them.

During pregnancy, I slept really well apart from occasional wake-ups to relieve my bladder. People warned me to ‘enjoy’ my sleep because I won’t get anything like it for many years. When I was pregnant, I knew sleep would become interrupted, but didn’t appreciate how ‘interrupted’.

Once Bub was born and whilst in hospital, he slept really well and I thought: piece of cake! Boy was I wrong – once we got home and reality set in, the challenge really started.

Initially my body was exhausted from labour so that did not help. Bub also kept waking very frequently to feed. Whilst my milk was being built up and Bub was cluster feeding, there were times he would feed from 10pm – 1/2am – staying up with him on the boob was draining and tiring. Add to that the nights where I would walk up and down the hallway for at least an hour trying to get him to fall asleep and you get a very exhausted mummy. The only way I survived was I learned to nap while he napped or just lie down if I couldn’t fall asleep. It was exhausting, but after the initial 6 weeks, Bub’s overnight sleeping went from 1-2 hourly to 3 hourly (that extra hour was heaven).

I tried to teach him the difference between day and night by having a bedtime routine (bath and feed) and keeping it quiet and dark at night. We were doing ok until the 4 month ‘sleep regression’ which for us lasted 2 months! He kept waking every hour or two. Then once he hit 6 months, it went back to around 3-4 hours and then every 2-3 hours overnight.

During this time, I had gotten some sleep guides from kind mum friends, which taught you to have set nap times to establish a ‘routine’. It had daily nap and feeding schedules which were quite helpful. However, it really stressed me out when I couldn’t get Bub to sleep or nod off on time/for the allocated time. I know some friends whose Bubs accustomed quite well to it, but for me, it wasn’t the right thing and caused more stress. I was also considering sleep school as I was going back to work after Bub was 9 months and wanted to make sure everything was steady before then.

Then I read a book which emphasised how sleep is very much a developmental milestone and like other milestones like walking, eating, smiling etc, it is unique for each baby. So after that, I just relaxed and went with the flow. I stopped trying to time his naps and trusted that when he was tired, he would communicate that and if he needed to wake up frequently overnight, it was because he needed my comfort. So long as I provided him with the security and love he needed, he will get there in the end (I will do another post about ‘Circle of Security parenting’ down the track).

Now Bub is almost 12 months and our sleeping ‘schedule’ goes something like this:

Mon – Fri: Bub is at childcare 3 days during the week and with grandparents the other 2. Thanks to childcare and us just letting him nap when he feels the need to, he quite easily falls asleep during the day and has 2-3 naps.

We found that after commencing childcare, he falls asleep really easily – I think it’s because they don’t ‘spoil’ them to get what they want so the babies learn to more independently fall asleep

Sat/Sun: we go about our weekend and when he shows signs of sleepiness, let him do his thing.

Each night (Mon – Sun), we keep to routine of bath then feed to sleep. I only breastfeed at night and I co-sleep with Bub (more on weaning breastfeeds for work in a future post to come). When he cries at night or wakes, I’ll pop him on the boob and we fall back asleep. He wakes up 2-3 times generally including when we have to get up, so it’s not too bad (will wake more when he’s sick or going through a growth stage).

So I guess I’m committing the sins of sleep training by feeding him to sleep, using the boob to comfort him back to sleep overnight and co-sleeping. But I don’t care. Why? Because it works for our family – I get a pretty restful sleep so I can go to work full-time, Bub gets the comfort of mum and to be honest, I love having him next to me knowing that he’s safe and being able to wake up to his smiles. And guess what, Bub is thriving!

I was also comforted by a fellow mum who said she breastfed her baby at night until he was around 16 months – she found that after they got the hang of teething and night terrors etc, they just naturally slept longer throughout the night.

So all in all, I have not had one night of uninterrupted sleep since giving birth (us mums are true superheroes), but know that one day, I will miss what I have now, so it’s all good.

Lessons learned:

• If you haven’t had a baby yet, ENJOY YOUR SLEEP
• Don’t expect your baby to sleep through the night – it’s a developmental milestone (if yours does, count your blessings)
• There are plenty of guides and resources out there (including sleep school). I’m a big believer on the more ‘natural’ method, but that’s what works for me and what I feel comfortable with
• Which brings me to my last point: do what works for you and your family – don’t feel bad if you find what works for you is ‘frowned’ upon because there’s no such thing as a perfect baby. So long as you, Bub & family are healthy and happy, that’s all that matters